From contracting all night on Friday night, to being still most of the day on Saturday until about 2:30 p.m. when the contractions picked up again. Finally at around 1:00 a.m. Sunday morning I couldn't take the pain anymore, so off to the hospital we went. Fully expecting to be sent back home (hopefully with pain medication) we were shocked to find out I was dilated to 5 cm and 90% effaced, I was not leaving the hospital. After being taken to the labor and delivery room, the contractions stopped for several hours, which made it wonderful to rest.
Around 8:00 a.m. they started me on pitocin, (which was not my friend) and got the contractions going again. By the time I got to 7 cm, I could no longer tolerate the pain and felt sick and like I was going to pass out, so I felt the need to get an epidural. Soon it was time to deliver our precious baby. Everything was going great, the baby was in perfect alignment, until they started monitoring the baby's little heartbeat again. He has never liked being monitored and decided to do a flip in order to get away. So now this little stinker was breach and backwards. It was time to make some decisions, try to deliver breach or do a C-section. After discussing the different options we decided that the best medical decision was to deliver backwards and breach. (On Friday, when I was at my doctor's appointment I was talking with my doctor and his wife and at that time his wife shared that she was born breach. I know now that God allowed me to hear this to make me feel comfortable and at peace with delivering this way and that it wouldn't cause harm to my baby).
Now many of you are thinking, she delivered the baby breach and face up!?! Yes, it was so much fun! (Remember, I was numb from mid stomach on down). We didn't know if the baby was Joshua or Anaiah, but while delivering we were able to find out first that we had a baby Joshua!!! Joshua weighed 4 lbs and 13 oz and was 18 1/4" long. He had reddish brown hair (not much) and hazel eyes with red eyelashes. He had Jon's forehead the shape of his nose, but with my bump that is in the middle of my nose. The most perfectly shaped lips, just as red as can be. His head was perfectly shaped, but his poor little bottom was bruised from all the pushing. He was so peaceful and beautiful. (or should I say handsome since he is a boy?) =)
We were able to spend the most beautiful hour with our precious baby boy. As tears of joy and thankfulness ran down our face and our family's faces we just enjoyed every second with him, taking pictures. Oh how thankful I am for my cousin's wife, Kelsi being beside us every step of the way documenting the delivery and Joshua's short but wonderful life. We were even able to take an extended family picture together, which is a miracle in itself because my poor dad got sick with the flu and had to go home that morning.
When Joshua took his beautiful last breath, we as a family gathered around, laid hands on Joshua and prayed over him, thanking God for his life and ended with singing: I love you Lord, and I lift my voice. To worship you, oh my soul rejoice. Take joy my King, in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear. Even though it was sung with tears being choked back, I know it was a beautiful sound in His ear.
I can't even describe what a joyful, peaceful,amazing and absolute blessing this delivery was. We had been praying ahead of time for the Holy Spirit to go before us and prepare the way for this delivery including preparing my body for delivery. We prayed against the spirit of fear, doubt and death that they had no place in the waiting room and in the delivery room, being around us or the people we loved. When we arrived at the hospital all we had was the perfect peace of God. The first nurse we met reminded us of a friend from church not only by physical characteristics and mannerisms but also with her kind and upbeat spirit, which was so comforting. All the nurses and doctors were absolutely amazing. Having parents with us in the delivery room (while laboring) and family and friends in the waiting room praying was just like we wanted, feeling every single prayer, listening to worship music and singing, having Pastor Debbie encouraging and talking me through each contraction has left us in awe of God. The best past of all was the delivery. Oh how we all just laughed through each contraction and push. (I missed some of the opportunities to push because we were all laughing so hard, it was hard to catch our breath). Our parents in the hallway felt like they were missing out on a party with all the loud laughter they heard. This delivery had God in the center of it and I believe that this is the way God intended childbirth to be. Just a time of celebrating Him and His love for us while He gives us the precious gift of life.
We were able to keep Joshua with us for as long as we wanted. We were able to allow family and friends to spend time with him, even though he already went to heaven to be with his Abba Father. This truly was a great experience and God answered so many prayers. He truly is faithful and true.
Thank you all for everything. For traveling this journey with us. It's not over. God is just getting started with using Joshua's life. It already has brought so much good...it's now going to get better. We felt that God lead us to the name of Joshua Ezekiel for a reason. His name means, God rescues and God strengthens. We know that God did just that. Joshua wasn't suppose to live to full term. There was a good possibility that if he did make it to full term that we wouldn't be able to spend time with him alive. God did rescue him and strengthened him so we could meet him, kiss him and tell him how much we love him. And then He took him home to love and care for him unlike we could ever do hear on earth.
With that said, it doesn't mean that we aren't sad and even disappointed. But God has given us such a HUGE gift already. He is good ALL the time. We know that our life has now been forever changed. That we just need to take this new road a day at a time, even a second or minute at a time. When we feel like we can't walk anymore, Jesus will be there to carry us through.
We will be finalizing the arrangements today and will post them later. Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for everything. We love you!!!! Love, Jonathan, Kristin and baby Joshua
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Update 2/26/2010 Soon than Later
Baby LeVan may be here sooner than later.
This past week I've just been really tired and emotional. It's not that my faith is changing or getting weaker, but I've realized that for the past 18 weeks all I've done to prepare for this baby is pray and focus on God, which has been great, but I don't even know where to begin with anything else. I hadn't even packed my bags until this morning (because of the contractions I was having. I’m also scheduled to have pregnancy pictures taken this afternoon…not a minute to soon I might add). It's amazing, but I don't think that I would want it any other way.
Last night Jon wasn't home, so I just took a bath and listened to praise and worship music, praising God, praying and crying...good tears...just tears of being in awe of God and tears of being tired and needing to be carried. It was a great time and am so glad that I got this opportunity to spend some good alone time with God. Plus it got me ready for today.
Last night I was awoken every 15 minutes with contractions all night long. Now that I'm awake and moving around, they have subsided. I had to call the doctor at 6:30 a.m. (I’ll leave details out). He said that he thinks that this baby will be coming sooner than later. I wasn't scared or filled with fear...just peace and excitement.
I had my normal doctor’s appointment today and well…I’m 2 cm dilated. He thinks that my body did all of that just last night, so he thinks that I’m going to go really fast once this baby decides to come. The baby is in good alignment, good heart beat and he said he’s expecting to hear from me really soon. (So, I’m thinking oh, sometime next week. Well, when he said I won’t be surprised if I hear from you tonight, I started to cry. YES, I cried…I don’t handle change very well and it was a bit unexpected to hear the words TONIGHT…hahahaha). We are excited…very excited.
So, if you could remember to keep us in your prayers we'd greatly appreciate it. I know that there will be struggles emotionally, physically and mentally still to come, but God is good and ALWAYS faithful and true.
So, this is just a little heads up...we'll fill you in later of any changes...but for now, only time will tell.
Love, Jon and Kristin
P.S. you can pass this info on to anyone you'd like. More people praying the better.
P.S.S.: WHO IS WELCOME TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL: Anyone who wants to come to the hospital to pray and wait with our family is welcome. We will be calling our parents first and then they will start contacting others on the phone tree. When you get the phone call that we are heading to the hospital feel free to call, facebook, e-mail anyone and everyone and let them know that we are at the hospital. The more people praying the better.
We are asking that everyone who is waiting at the hospital have a positive attitude and not focus on the previous medical diagnosis that was given to the baby. We believe that God has healed our baby already. Most importantly, have fun and praise God during this time.
DIRECTIONS: We will be having the baby at Memorial Hospital in South Bend, IN. You will want to follow the signs towards the emergency room. DO NOT turn into the parking garage by the Emergency Room Entrance!!! (You will want this parking garage, just don't enter there) Go strait until the stop sign and turn right. Take this street to the next place you can turn right to go into the parking garage. You will get a ticket…bring it into the hospital with you. Go to the 3rd Floor. This is the labor and delivery unit. There will be a lady at the desk that will stamp your parking ticket so you don’t have to pay.
Thank you all for everything. Love, Jon and Kristin
This past week I've just been really tired and emotional. It's not that my faith is changing or getting weaker, but I've realized that for the past 18 weeks all I've done to prepare for this baby is pray and focus on God, which has been great, but I don't even know where to begin with anything else. I hadn't even packed my bags until this morning (because of the contractions I was having. I’m also scheduled to have pregnancy pictures taken this afternoon…not a minute to soon I might add). It's amazing, but I don't think that I would want it any other way.
Last night Jon wasn't home, so I just took a bath and listened to praise and worship music, praising God, praying and crying...good tears...just tears of being in awe of God and tears of being tired and needing to be carried. It was a great time and am so glad that I got this opportunity to spend some good alone time with God. Plus it got me ready for today.
Last night I was awoken every 15 minutes with contractions all night long. Now that I'm awake and moving around, they have subsided. I had to call the doctor at 6:30 a.m. (I’ll leave details out). He said that he thinks that this baby will be coming sooner than later. I wasn't scared or filled with fear...just peace and excitement.
I had my normal doctor’s appointment today and well…I’m 2 cm dilated. He thinks that my body did all of that just last night, so he thinks that I’m going to go really fast once this baby decides to come. The baby is in good alignment, good heart beat and he said he’s expecting to hear from me really soon. (So, I’m thinking oh, sometime next week. Well, when he said I won’t be surprised if I hear from you tonight, I started to cry. YES, I cried…I don’t handle change very well and it was a bit unexpected to hear the words TONIGHT…hahahaha). We are excited…very excited.
So, if you could remember to keep us in your prayers we'd greatly appreciate it. I know that there will be struggles emotionally, physically and mentally still to come, but God is good and ALWAYS faithful and true.
So, this is just a little heads up...we'll fill you in later of any changes...but for now, only time will tell.
Love, Jon and Kristin
P.S. you can pass this info on to anyone you'd like. More people praying the better.
P.S.S.: WHO IS WELCOME TO COME TO THE HOSPITAL: Anyone who wants to come to the hospital to pray and wait with our family is welcome. We will be calling our parents first and then they will start contacting others on the phone tree. When you get the phone call that we are heading to the hospital feel free to call, facebook, e-mail anyone and everyone and let them know that we are at the hospital. The more people praying the better.
We are asking that everyone who is waiting at the hospital have a positive attitude and not focus on the previous medical diagnosis that was given to the baby. We believe that God has healed our baby already. Most importantly, have fun and praise God during this time.
DIRECTIONS: We will be having the baby at Memorial Hospital in South Bend, IN. You will want to follow the signs towards the emergency room. DO NOT turn into the parking garage by the Emergency Room Entrance!!! (You will want this parking garage, just don't enter there) Go strait until the stop sign and turn right. Take this street to the next place you can turn right to go into the parking garage. You will get a ticket…bring it into the hospital with you. Go to the 3rd Floor. This is the labor and delivery unit. There will be a lady at the desk that will stamp your parking ticket so you don’t have to pay.
Thank you all for everything. Love, Jon and Kristin
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Update 02/19/2010
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for you faithful prayers and words of encouragement. I know that I say this over and over again, but you have no idea of what they mean to us. You may think that you're just doing small kind gesture like sending a note in the mail but you have no idea how your act of love and kindness becomes so much more. God's perfect timing in the delivery of that note is unbelievable. So many times we have had a day that we are just tired and drained and your words written with truth and love just carry us through. The same goes for your prayers. When the Holy Spirit brings us to mind and you pray, we feel them, every single one of them. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!
This week one of my very good friends had her precious little baby. I was surprised to get the phone call last Monday morning hearing that baby Kate had arrived and two weeks early. Oh how my heart rejoiced. My friend was two weeks a head of me. We were so excited to be pregnant together and still was, but I know the diagnosis that was given to my baby did change things. So, to my dear friend, I just want to thank you for your love and support that you've given and continue to give. I know that this has not been easy on you for one minute. I know that it placed an extra burden on you during a time when you didn't need it along with additional fear for your own baby that you were caring. I love you and am so happy for you and your family. Please tell your sweet little Kate that just because she's an early bird doesn't mean her little friend is coming two weeks early too. =) It was great getting to hold little Kate in my arms and just start off the week with seeing and holding the gift of new life that God gives. Thank you for allowing us to share this with you!!!
And just like that, the week continued on a good note even with my doctor's appointment yesterday. Nothing has changed diagnosis wise. The baby still had a good strong heartbeat, I'm growing and am right on track. But the doctor sat down and looked at me and said "congratulations, on Sunday, you'll be full term. I honestly didn't think you'd make it this far." All I could say was thank you God for this miracle...it's ALL HIM!!! (I almost started crying) He said "I can't change anything with the diagnosis, so that is still out there, but you've made it farther than I had thought and you are full term and could have this baby at anytime". I asked him if he could stop saying that I was full term until I finished cleaning my house. I really need to get that done. He said that if it made me feel better that he'd refrain from saying those words to me until I give him the go ahead...so maybe in a week or two I'll allow him to say those wonderful words, but until then...I've got work to do. Haha.
After the doctor's appointment I called my mom and shared the news with her. I told her about the little miracle that God has given us. I think that she is really ready to meet her grandchild because she asked me what time she should show up at my house to help clean...hmmm...it leaves me with the question, does she want to help or does she think that once my house is clean then this baby will come? Thank you mom for your steadfast support, never doubting and being so strong through this journey. Thank you for pushing me to keep my focus on God, His Word and His promises. It means more than you know. I love you.
Before I close, I want to share a thought with you. Above I wrote about telling my mom about the "little miracle" God has given by allowing me to make it to full term. After I said that to her, it made me wonder should I have really said that? Does God really do little miracles or are they all big because they are a miracle and only God can give them? I still don't know the answer to that one, but making it to full term is a HUGE miracle...not a small one like I said. God is so faithful and His love for us is more than we could ever know.
Only three more weeks to go. In my heart, I really feel that I will be very close to my due date. If I go a couple of days late, I will be perfectly content and at peace with that. (If that day comes early, I may have a hard time adjusting to this idea and it may throw me into a state of panic). I know God's timing is perfect...this is all in God's hands and I'm at peace with that. There is no better place to be.
Thank you again for everything. Love, Kristin
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 ;)
Thank you so much for you faithful prayers and words of encouragement. I know that I say this over and over again, but you have no idea of what they mean to us. You may think that you're just doing small kind gesture like sending a note in the mail but you have no idea how your act of love and kindness becomes so much more. God's perfect timing in the delivery of that note is unbelievable. So many times we have had a day that we are just tired and drained and your words written with truth and love just carry us through. The same goes for your prayers. When the Holy Spirit brings us to mind and you pray, we feel them, every single one of them. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!
This week one of my very good friends had her precious little baby. I was surprised to get the phone call last Monday morning hearing that baby Kate had arrived and two weeks early. Oh how my heart rejoiced. My friend was two weeks a head of me. We were so excited to be pregnant together and still was, but I know the diagnosis that was given to my baby did change things. So, to my dear friend, I just want to thank you for your love and support that you've given and continue to give. I know that this has not been easy on you for one minute. I know that it placed an extra burden on you during a time when you didn't need it along with additional fear for your own baby that you were caring. I love you and am so happy for you and your family. Please tell your sweet little Kate that just because she's an early bird doesn't mean her little friend is coming two weeks early too. =) It was great getting to hold little Kate in my arms and just start off the week with seeing and holding the gift of new life that God gives. Thank you for allowing us to share this with you!!!
And just like that, the week continued on a good note even with my doctor's appointment yesterday. Nothing has changed diagnosis wise. The baby still had a good strong heartbeat, I'm growing and am right on track. But the doctor sat down and looked at me and said "congratulations, on Sunday, you'll be full term. I honestly didn't think you'd make it this far." All I could say was thank you God for this miracle...it's ALL HIM!!! (I almost started crying) He said "I can't change anything with the diagnosis, so that is still out there, but you've made it farther than I had thought and you are full term and could have this baby at anytime". I asked him if he could stop saying that I was full term until I finished cleaning my house. I really need to get that done. He said that if it made me feel better that he'd refrain from saying those words to me until I give him the go ahead...so maybe in a week or two I'll allow him to say those wonderful words, but until then...I've got work to do. Haha.
After the doctor's appointment I called my mom and shared the news with her. I told her about the little miracle that God has given us. I think that she is really ready to meet her grandchild because she asked me what time she should show up at my house to help clean...hmmm...it leaves me with the question, does she want to help or does she think that once my house is clean then this baby will come? Thank you mom for your steadfast support, never doubting and being so strong through this journey. Thank you for pushing me to keep my focus on God, His Word and His promises. It means more than you know. I love you.
Before I close, I want to share a thought with you. Above I wrote about telling my mom about the "little miracle" God has given by allowing me to make it to full term. After I said that to her, it made me wonder should I have really said that? Does God really do little miracles or are they all big because they are a miracle and only God can give them? I still don't know the answer to that one, but making it to full term is a HUGE miracle...not a small one like I said. God is so faithful and His love for us is more than we could ever know.
Only three more weeks to go. In my heart, I really feel that I will be very close to my due date. If I go a couple of days late, I will be perfectly content and at peace with that. (If that day comes early, I may have a hard time adjusting to this idea and it may throw me into a state of panic). I know God's timing is perfect...this is all in God's hands and I'm at peace with that. There is no better place to be.
Thank you again for everything. Love, Kristin
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 ;)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Update 02/05/2010
Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouraging words. To be completely honest as the time grows closer to March 16th I find the attack that is taking place on my mind by the enemy getting stronger. If something in my body changes I find myself full of panic thinking back to the medical diagnosis that was given in late October instead of taking a deep breath and focusing on God first. I find myself just singing the song Cling to the Call by John Waller so often. I wish that I would have learned by now to trust God first and not freak out. God has been so faithful all my life and hasn't changed now in the middle of this circumstance. So I thank those of you who are just so encouraging and reminding me/us to stay focused on God, His promises and truths. Everyday, every hour, every minute and second we have to make that decision to keep our eyes, minds and thoughts on Him. Before I continue, I have to share the wonderful words of John Waller's song.
I was walking on water just a week ago
Not a care in the world even a day ago
Not sure what happened but all of the sudden I saw the crashing waves all around me
And once again I had to choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You And You said...
Cling to the call Cling to the peace that guards your heart
Cling to the promise Though you stumble you won't fall
I will uphold you now just trust me with all
Just look at me and I will lead you as you Cling to the call
I could stand without wavering just an hour ago
I could not deny You even a moment ago
Not sure what happened but three times denied You
And once again I've gotta choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You
Now once again I trust You're leading me
I choose to lean not On my understanding,
Lord And I will sing as I cling to the call…
Awe, such a great song...I just wish that I was to a point in my walk that my eyes are glued on Him and that I never look away. I love how He is so trustworthy and dependable yet hate I'm not the same for Him...I'm trying but not there yet. It makes you realize that there is so much more growing and refining that has to take place. As long as we are faithful and take it one step at a time, He will be there to guide you no matter what.
I had an appointment on Friday. Baby's heartbeat is still strong and the baby still likes to move about. I get a kick out of seeing my stomach change shapes depending on how the baby positions itself. Dr. Wheet even said that looking at numbers and growth everything looks great. If it weren't for the ultrasounds he wouldn't think that anything was wrong.
We also had a really good talk...one that I haven't been ready to have with him, but I guess it was coming sooner than later. He asked me how I was mentally doing. I told him that we are doing really well and at perfect peace with everything. He said that he is amazed with how we are handling this situation. I told him that honestly it's because God is good and so many people, literally thousands of people are lifting us up daily in prayer. He then said that he's been praying for us too. He then asked me what I was thinking. I didn't understand what he was asking. (I've also been trying to guard myself and not get into a big "God" and "belief" vs. “statistics” and “science” conversation with him up to this point). He then said, are you hoping for a miracle or what are you thinking? I looked at him and said, yes we are praying for a miracle. God created this whole universe and everything in it, He created us, giving my child the parts that are missing is nothing to Him, so yes, we are praying for a miracle. He then said Kristin, the statistics are not in your favor (in my head I just said, my God is bigger than your statistics) but I can't explain why people who have terminal cancer are healed when they shouldn't be. I can't answer their questions of what happened, and I don't feel the need to. All I know is that I wouldn't mind being wrong with the diagnosis of your baby...I'm hoping for a miracle. It was just a really good conversation, one that I wasn't prepared for. I got home and told Jon what happened and he said, did you tell Dr. Wheet that he wasn't wrong with the diagnosis, Jesus just healed our baby? I didn't tell him that even though I thought it...I just thought that I would wait to tell him that when he's holding our perfect and healthy baby. Another two weeks until the next appointment.
Thank you again so much for your prayers. We are humbled by them and all of the love you’ve shown to us. At times it's very overwhelming and hard to understand why so many love us especially the ones who have committed to pray for us that don't even know us. All I know is that each and every one of you is demonstrating God's love. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Love, Jon and Kristin and baby LeVan (who will be here in just 5 quick weeks.)
I was walking on water just a week ago
Not a care in the world even a day ago
Not sure what happened but all of the sudden I saw the crashing waves all around me
And once again I had to choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You And You said...
Cling to the call Cling to the peace that guards your heart
Cling to the promise Though you stumble you won't fall
I will uphold you now just trust me with all
Just look at me and I will lead you as you Cling to the call
I could stand without wavering just an hour ago
I could not deny You even a moment ago
Not sure what happened but three times denied You
And once again I've gotta choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You
Now once again I trust You're leading me
I choose to lean not On my understanding,
Lord And I will sing as I cling to the call…
Awe, such a great song...I just wish that I was to a point in my walk that my eyes are glued on Him and that I never look away. I love how He is so trustworthy and dependable yet hate I'm not the same for Him...I'm trying but not there yet. It makes you realize that there is so much more growing and refining that has to take place. As long as we are faithful and take it one step at a time, He will be there to guide you no matter what.
I had an appointment on Friday. Baby's heartbeat is still strong and the baby still likes to move about. I get a kick out of seeing my stomach change shapes depending on how the baby positions itself. Dr. Wheet even said that looking at numbers and growth everything looks great. If it weren't for the ultrasounds he wouldn't think that anything was wrong.
We also had a really good talk...one that I haven't been ready to have with him, but I guess it was coming sooner than later. He asked me how I was mentally doing. I told him that we are doing really well and at perfect peace with everything. He said that he is amazed with how we are handling this situation. I told him that honestly it's because God is good and so many people, literally thousands of people are lifting us up daily in prayer. He then said that he's been praying for us too. He then asked me what I was thinking. I didn't understand what he was asking. (I've also been trying to guard myself and not get into a big "God" and "belief" vs. “statistics” and “science” conversation with him up to this point). He then said, are you hoping for a miracle or what are you thinking? I looked at him and said, yes we are praying for a miracle. God created this whole universe and everything in it, He created us, giving my child the parts that are missing is nothing to Him, so yes, we are praying for a miracle. He then said Kristin, the statistics are not in your favor (in my head I just said, my God is bigger than your statistics) but I can't explain why people who have terminal cancer are healed when they shouldn't be. I can't answer their questions of what happened, and I don't feel the need to. All I know is that I wouldn't mind being wrong with the diagnosis of your baby...I'm hoping for a miracle. It was just a really good conversation, one that I wasn't prepared for. I got home and told Jon what happened and he said, did you tell Dr. Wheet that he wasn't wrong with the diagnosis, Jesus just healed our baby? I didn't tell him that even though I thought it...I just thought that I would wait to tell him that when he's holding our perfect and healthy baby. Another two weeks until the next appointment.
Thank you again so much for your prayers. We are humbled by them and all of the love you’ve shown to us. At times it's very overwhelming and hard to understand why so many love us especially the ones who have committed to pray for us that don't even know us. All I know is that each and every one of you is demonstrating God's love. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Love, Jon and Kristin and baby LeVan (who will be here in just 5 quick weeks.)
Update 01/22/2010
7 weeks until we see that the Doctors and specialist WERE correct that there WAS nothing humanly possible to be done for our child and that at the human level, all is lost. HOWEVER, we'll see that to God be ALL glory, honor, and praise, our child HAS been healed and HE is greater than our understanding and IS worthy to give our COMPLETE and TOTAL trust with EVERYTHING in our lives!!!! I pray that those who not know Him personally, will be reached through this awesome journey He's led us on!!! March 16, 2010 is quickly approaching!!! Thank you to everyone who has joined and is joining us in prayer for our precious little child! Our God is larger than any mountain we'll ever encounter in this lifetime!!! – Jonathan
I had another doctor’s appointment on Friday. Nothing has changed with the diagnosis with out baby. The doctor was considering putting me on restrictions since he doesn’t know what to exactly expect with the diagnosis that was given. He keeps saying that I can go into labor at anytime and who knows what this baby is going to do. He then said, BUT this baby is acting like it’s normal, so there isn’t a need for restrictions. It was all I could do not to scream it’s because of God’s grace and healing power that my baby is acting normal because it is normal!!! Instead, I kept it to myself.
God has been so gracious to us during this time. If He were to ask us to go through this again, we would in a heartbeat. We feel so honored to have been able to go through this process and to know Him more. This truly has been a joyful and peaceful time in our lives and we wouldn’t change it for anything. We understand why this makes no sense at all. At times it’s hard to share or even put into words all we are experiencing. You’ve read about our journey and have prayed for us and we thank you so much and are so blessed. As you know, we’ve been searching, learning, growing, praying, reading, fasting and so on. But what you don’t know is that ALL of this has not been for healing of our precious baby, it’s because God has been and is revealing himself more and more to us and we are excited to learn more and receive a greater understand of Him and His Word. Yes, we want our baby healed, but more than that we want a deeper and more intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That is what is the most important with this situation is seeking God’s face because He is worthy of our honor, worship and praise.
We’ve been listening to a lot of songs lately and right now, I think this song by Hillsong United- From the Inside Out best describes where we are.
A thousand times I've failed Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul,
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Another song that has just been our “theme” song, if you will and has been such an encouragement is by Kutless titled What Faith Can Do.
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water It’ll be alright
Life is so much more Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance (That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes You will have the strength to rise
If you need an encouraging cd to listen to that speaks to every area of your life, I encourage you to get the cd by John Waller titled While I’m waiting. There is not a weak song on this cd, it is amazing!!! If you are going through any type of trials I just encourage you to seek God with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. If you do this, you will experience an amazing journey. We love each and everyone of you. Love, Jon and Kristin
I had another doctor’s appointment on Friday. Nothing has changed with the diagnosis with out baby. The doctor was considering putting me on restrictions since he doesn’t know what to exactly expect with the diagnosis that was given. He keeps saying that I can go into labor at anytime and who knows what this baby is going to do. He then said, BUT this baby is acting like it’s normal, so there isn’t a need for restrictions. It was all I could do not to scream it’s because of God’s grace and healing power that my baby is acting normal because it is normal!!! Instead, I kept it to myself.
God has been so gracious to us during this time. If He were to ask us to go through this again, we would in a heartbeat. We feel so honored to have been able to go through this process and to know Him more. This truly has been a joyful and peaceful time in our lives and we wouldn’t change it for anything. We understand why this makes no sense at all. At times it’s hard to share or even put into words all we are experiencing. You’ve read about our journey and have prayed for us and we thank you so much and are so blessed. As you know, we’ve been searching, learning, growing, praying, reading, fasting and so on. But what you don’t know is that ALL of this has not been for healing of our precious baby, it’s because God has been and is revealing himself more and more to us and we are excited to learn more and receive a greater understand of Him and His Word. Yes, we want our baby healed, but more than that we want a deeper and more intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That is what is the most important with this situation is seeking God’s face because He is worthy of our honor, worship and praise.
We’ve been listening to a lot of songs lately and right now, I think this song by Hillsong United- From the Inside Out best describes where we are.
A thousand times I've failed Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul,
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out
Another song that has just been our “theme” song, if you will and has been such an encouragement is by Kutless titled What Faith Can Do.
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water It’ll be alright
Life is so much more Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance (That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes You will have the strength to rise
If you need an encouraging cd to listen to that speaks to every area of your life, I encourage you to get the cd by John Waller titled While I’m waiting. There is not a weak song on this cd, it is amazing!!! If you are going through any type of trials I just encourage you to seek God with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. If you do this, you will experience an amazing journey. We love each and everyone of you. Love, Jon and Kristin
01/04/2010
This morning as I was getting ready for my doctor's appointment I said outloud "God, I think it would be really funny for Dr. Wheet to feel a really strong kick from the baby". I just laughed to myself but didn't ask this from God. Well, at the appointment as Dr. Wheet was listening to baby's heartbeat the baby kicked really hard. The look on Dr. Wheet's face was priceless. (I'm sure this is common for "healthy" babies, but I don't think he was expecting as strong of a kick from mine). Anyways, Dr. Wheet didn't get to experience just one good and strong kick, it was more like 5 or 6 strong kicks. It was all I could do not to just laugh and cry at the same time. God is so good and gives us just what we need at all times.As far as the diagnosis goes, nothing medically speaking has changed. I'm at 30 weeks now so only 10 more weeks. Thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. Love, Jon and Kristin
Update 12/04/2009
Dear Friends,
We thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers. You have no idea how your prayers are carrying us through and just helping to shape our attitudes and have the right perspectives in this situation.
James 1:2-8 says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
I have often wondered during bad times how can you have a good attitude let alone joy. I have always been a realist and more so a pessimistic realist. I would rather dwell on the reality of the situation in a negative way. Now Jon is also a realist, but very optimistic. Through prayer, friends challenging us and a lot of digging in God’s word I have learned that I need to be optimistic through all circumstances because God is Good, His Word is True and It Works in Our Lives. ;) We have been blessed to meet many new friends through our circumstance. Those friendships have helped to plant seeds to push us forward and introduce us to God’s will for all of his children’s lives.
For awhile we had been struggling with complacency. We knew that we desired more, but didn’t know how to get out of this rut. Through our baby’s diagnosis it has plunged us forward into a new world of discovering God’s love for us and His desires for all of His children’s lives. Our marriage has NEVER been stronger and more fulfilling. Our faith and relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ has NEVER been stronger. We have so much thirst and hunger to know Him more. We have pure joy in this circumstance and it is unexplainable…I can’t even begin to describe it. It is truly from the Lord. We still hear people say to us “I’m so sorry that you are going through this…” and I just reply please don’t be…this honestly is the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We wouldn’t change it for the world. Be happy for us. I know…this is craziness, but this is the Lord working in us and through us! (We know that people just don’t know what to say. If I had a friend going through this, I think that I would be saying the same thing…well, at least I would have).
With all that said, we have come to learn some things about our Heavenly Father, His Character, His Word and promises to us.
1.A crisis is when you need to focus your attention on what God has already provided for you so you can press forward. I wish I would have kept a prayer journal to just be able to look back and see in writing all of the prayer requests God has answered and how He is always faithful. This little tool of having a prayer journal would have helped to increase my faith and trust in the Lord by seeing how He has worked in my life in the past. I know He will ALWAYS provide for me in the future, but sometimes looking at what He has already done helps you keep your focus. Even though I don’t have all my prayers documented by specific circumstances, I know that He is faithful and true and will always provide.
2.Mark 11:22-23 Jesus said to them “Have faith in God constantly. Truly, I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, be lifted up and thrown into the sea and does not doubt at all in his heart, be believes that what he says will take place; it will be done for him. I’ve heard these verses since I was young and I have always believed it, but I don’t think that I fully understood it. The mountains that we are telling to move are the circumstances in our lives. 3.We believe that if God said it, He meant it! And if He said it, it’s True. And if He said it, it works and all we have to do is have faith in it. If you have faith in it, it works and if you don’t then it doesn’t. I’ve really had to search my heart about this. I have always said “I believe the Bible to be God’s Word and it is true, without fault/mistakes. BUT If I truly believe the Word of God to be true, perfect and without fault then God means what He says. He is perfect, He does not lie. If only parts of what God says is true, then this would change the nature of God and who He is. So when He says in Isaiah 55:11 so shall my word be that goes out of my mouth; it shall not return me void/empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. If God tells us anything in the Bible, we are to believe it and claim it for our own. It is ours through being a child of God’s. It is not our place to put God in a box because we are afraid of being disappointed of the result or out of fear that He may not answer our request. He says all we have to do is ask in His son’s name and it is given. Also in John 12:12-14 it says “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. All we have to do is ask and believe. We may need to be persistent because the devil wants to distract and discourage us. But God is faithful and always true to His word because He is the Amen…The Truth. So, this is just a little tidbit on where Jon and I are right now.
For the month of November we had NO TV NOVEMBER in our home. We spent this time in prayer and reading about God or just listening to praise and worship music. (I think that NO TV NOVEMBER is going to carry out into other months as well). A couple of weeks ago I went to Hobby Lobby to look for a scrapbook to begin to put all the e-mails and cards of encouragement in. I started off looking at fabric for the baby to make a blanket and was completely fine. I was so excited. Then I came to the scrapbook aisle. I was so overwhelmed by the choices and caught myself saying “if the baby was a boy I’d pick this one, or if it was a girl, I’d pick this one”. Well the lack of my control in this situation and getting what I want got the best of me. I started crying (having an adult pregnancy/hormonal temper tantrum) and high stepped it as fast as I could to the bathroom. I stood in there sobbing for 5 minutes over a stupid scrapbook and the fact that I couldn’t get exactly what I wanted. After I told myself to suck it up and that a neutral scrapbook was just fine, I stopped crying. I went back out and got a very cute scrapbook, but one I wouldn’t normally choose. It was off to the paper section. Again, I became a little discouraged because I couldn’t find what I wanted. I started to tear up, but said a little prayer…”God, I could use a little hug right now”. As I looked up, a dear friend from college’s parents came down the aisle. I said hi to them and told them that I think that God sent to be in the aisle at this very minute, that they were an answer to my prayers. And then we hugged and cried again in the middle of Hobby Lobby.
So, if you ever wonder who cries at Hobby Lobby, one of the happiest places on earth for adult women…I do! God is teaching me so much through this pregnancy and one of the biggest is to stop being such a control freak. Nothing about this pregnancy has gone as I have planned. All control has been taken away from me. The only thing that is left for me to control is my choices. So, I’m choosing to praise and trust in God and His Word and pray, pray and pray some more and just keep learning more about Him.
At the same time I was at Hobby Lobby, Jon was at home. Even though it was NO TV NOVEMBER, Jon felt led to turn the TV onto channel 46. Dr. Lester Sumrall was on speaking about healing. It was just what Jon needed to hear at that time. Needless to say, God was working and revealing himself to us that night. Now to make a long story short, we have purchased Dr. Lester Sumrall’s 15 part series on Divine Healing and Human Illness. So every night instead of watching TV, we have been watching sermons from Dr. Sumrall. We laugh because we never thought that we would be watching Dr. Sumrall and his teachings and actually enjoying them. Even though his sermon series is at least 20 years old, it is awesome to see how God’s Word is unchanging through the ages.
I had my last doctor’s appointment last Friday, December 4th. My doctor said that I’m still growing; the baby is growing and has a strong heartbeat. He reassured me that he feels that Jon and I are doing the right thing. He said that if he and his wife were in the same position they’d be doing the same thing. He said that even though the circumstances don’t look good, you just don’t know if your baby is the 1 in a million that is a miracle. (I just smiled and listened and clung to the promises God has given).
I’m currently reading a book called Supernatural Healing by Sid Roth & Linda Josef. A lot about receiving healing has to do with forgiveness. I’ve learned that it’s not just a feeling, but a command. (Duh! As human’s we seem to miss the boat on this one). It’s not based on another person deserving it. If you are judging them, you are taking God’s role. It is so freeing to just let go and forgive. Why take on something that you don’t need to own…it’s not your place to hold onto. What use to seem so important to hold onto really has no value. I think that going through a crisis helps you to see more clearly on what truly in important and holding a grudge and not forgiving is so not worth the time and energy.
I’m also learning that there is a difference between miracles and healing. “Many times we look for a miracle and miss the healing. We plant the truth about healing from God’s Word (seed) and believe we are healed. Mark 11:24 says “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”. When we do not instantly receive our miracle, we are confused. This then puts us in unbelief. Instead, recognize that a miracle is an instant healing and a healing is a gradual miracle”. So either way, if God has granted us a miracle of instant healing for our baby, then I’ll take it and give God all the glory, but if God is granting us healing for our baby, then we know it is a gradual miracle and God still receives all the glory. Either way, God is Good! His Word is True! And It Works in Our Live.
With much love, Jonathan and Kristin
We thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers. You have no idea how your prayers are carrying us through and just helping to shape our attitudes and have the right perspectives in this situation.
James 1:2-8 says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
I have often wondered during bad times how can you have a good attitude let alone joy. I have always been a realist and more so a pessimistic realist. I would rather dwell on the reality of the situation in a negative way. Now Jon is also a realist, but very optimistic. Through prayer, friends challenging us and a lot of digging in God’s word I have learned that I need to be optimistic through all circumstances because God is Good, His Word is True and It Works in Our Lives. ;) We have been blessed to meet many new friends through our circumstance. Those friendships have helped to plant seeds to push us forward and introduce us to God’s will for all of his children’s lives.
For awhile we had been struggling with complacency. We knew that we desired more, but didn’t know how to get out of this rut. Through our baby’s diagnosis it has plunged us forward into a new world of discovering God’s love for us and His desires for all of His children’s lives. Our marriage has NEVER been stronger and more fulfilling. Our faith and relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ has NEVER been stronger. We have so much thirst and hunger to know Him more. We have pure joy in this circumstance and it is unexplainable…I can’t even begin to describe it. It is truly from the Lord. We still hear people say to us “I’m so sorry that you are going through this…” and I just reply please don’t be…this honestly is the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We wouldn’t change it for the world. Be happy for us. I know…this is craziness, but this is the Lord working in us and through us! (We know that people just don’t know what to say. If I had a friend going through this, I think that I would be saying the same thing…well, at least I would have).
With all that said, we have come to learn some things about our Heavenly Father, His Character, His Word and promises to us.
1.A crisis is when you need to focus your attention on what God has already provided for you so you can press forward. I wish I would have kept a prayer journal to just be able to look back and see in writing all of the prayer requests God has answered and how He is always faithful. This little tool of having a prayer journal would have helped to increase my faith and trust in the Lord by seeing how He has worked in my life in the past. I know He will ALWAYS provide for me in the future, but sometimes looking at what He has already done helps you keep your focus. Even though I don’t have all my prayers documented by specific circumstances, I know that He is faithful and true and will always provide.
2.Mark 11:22-23 Jesus said to them “Have faith in God constantly. Truly, I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, be lifted up and thrown into the sea and does not doubt at all in his heart, be believes that what he says will take place; it will be done for him. I’ve heard these verses since I was young and I have always believed it, but I don’t think that I fully understood it. The mountains that we are telling to move are the circumstances in our lives. 3.We believe that if God said it, He meant it! And if He said it, it’s True. And if He said it, it works and all we have to do is have faith in it. If you have faith in it, it works and if you don’t then it doesn’t. I’ve really had to search my heart about this. I have always said “I believe the Bible to be God’s Word and it is true, without fault/mistakes. BUT If I truly believe the Word of God to be true, perfect and without fault then God means what He says. He is perfect, He does not lie. If only parts of what God says is true, then this would change the nature of God and who He is. So when He says in Isaiah 55:11 so shall my word be that goes out of my mouth; it shall not return me void/empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. If God tells us anything in the Bible, we are to believe it and claim it for our own. It is ours through being a child of God’s. It is not our place to put God in a box because we are afraid of being disappointed of the result or out of fear that He may not answer our request. He says all we have to do is ask in His son’s name and it is given. Also in John 12:12-14 it says “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. All we have to do is ask and believe. We may need to be persistent because the devil wants to distract and discourage us. But God is faithful and always true to His word because He is the Amen…The Truth. So, this is just a little tidbit on where Jon and I are right now.
For the month of November we had NO TV NOVEMBER in our home. We spent this time in prayer and reading about God or just listening to praise and worship music. (I think that NO TV NOVEMBER is going to carry out into other months as well). A couple of weeks ago I went to Hobby Lobby to look for a scrapbook to begin to put all the e-mails and cards of encouragement in. I started off looking at fabric for the baby to make a blanket and was completely fine. I was so excited. Then I came to the scrapbook aisle. I was so overwhelmed by the choices and caught myself saying “if the baby was a boy I’d pick this one, or if it was a girl, I’d pick this one”. Well the lack of my control in this situation and getting what I want got the best of me. I started crying (having an adult pregnancy/hormonal temper tantrum) and high stepped it as fast as I could to the bathroom. I stood in there sobbing for 5 minutes over a stupid scrapbook and the fact that I couldn’t get exactly what I wanted. After I told myself to suck it up and that a neutral scrapbook was just fine, I stopped crying. I went back out and got a very cute scrapbook, but one I wouldn’t normally choose. It was off to the paper section. Again, I became a little discouraged because I couldn’t find what I wanted. I started to tear up, but said a little prayer…”God, I could use a little hug right now”. As I looked up, a dear friend from college’s parents came down the aisle. I said hi to them and told them that I think that God sent to be in the aisle at this very minute, that they were an answer to my prayers. And then we hugged and cried again in the middle of Hobby Lobby.
So, if you ever wonder who cries at Hobby Lobby, one of the happiest places on earth for adult women…I do! God is teaching me so much through this pregnancy and one of the biggest is to stop being such a control freak. Nothing about this pregnancy has gone as I have planned. All control has been taken away from me. The only thing that is left for me to control is my choices. So, I’m choosing to praise and trust in God and His Word and pray, pray and pray some more and just keep learning more about Him.
At the same time I was at Hobby Lobby, Jon was at home. Even though it was NO TV NOVEMBER, Jon felt led to turn the TV onto channel 46. Dr. Lester Sumrall was on speaking about healing. It was just what Jon needed to hear at that time. Needless to say, God was working and revealing himself to us that night. Now to make a long story short, we have purchased Dr. Lester Sumrall’s 15 part series on Divine Healing and Human Illness. So every night instead of watching TV, we have been watching sermons from Dr. Sumrall. We laugh because we never thought that we would be watching Dr. Sumrall and his teachings and actually enjoying them. Even though his sermon series is at least 20 years old, it is awesome to see how God’s Word is unchanging through the ages.
I had my last doctor’s appointment last Friday, December 4th. My doctor said that I’m still growing; the baby is growing and has a strong heartbeat. He reassured me that he feels that Jon and I are doing the right thing. He said that if he and his wife were in the same position they’d be doing the same thing. He said that even though the circumstances don’t look good, you just don’t know if your baby is the 1 in a million that is a miracle. (I just smiled and listened and clung to the promises God has given).
I’m currently reading a book called Supernatural Healing by Sid Roth & Linda Josef. A lot about receiving healing has to do with forgiveness. I’ve learned that it’s not just a feeling, but a command. (Duh! As human’s we seem to miss the boat on this one). It’s not based on another person deserving it. If you are judging them, you are taking God’s role. It is so freeing to just let go and forgive. Why take on something that you don’t need to own…it’s not your place to hold onto. What use to seem so important to hold onto really has no value. I think that going through a crisis helps you to see more clearly on what truly in important and holding a grudge and not forgiving is so not worth the time and energy.
I’m also learning that there is a difference between miracles and healing. “Many times we look for a miracle and miss the healing. We plant the truth about healing from God’s Word (seed) and believe we are healed. Mark 11:24 says “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”. When we do not instantly receive our miracle, we are confused. This then puts us in unbelief. Instead, recognize that a miracle is an instant healing and a healing is a gradual miracle”. So either way, if God has granted us a miracle of instant healing for our baby, then I’ll take it and give God all the glory, but if God is granting us healing for our baby, then we know it is a gradual miracle and God still receives all the glory. Either way, God is Good! His Word is True! And It Works in Our Live.
With much love, Jonathan and Kristin
Update 11/16/2009
Thank you so much for your prayers and encouraging words. You have no idea of how much it means to us that we have people who are committed to praying for us for strength during this time and for complete healing for our baby. It is truly humbling and amazing.During this time we have learned so much and we are growing like crazy. Last Sunday night I felt like my head was going to explode because I had learned so much this past week. God is amazing and is full of grace. I had an appointment with my doctor on Friday. It was a bit different to say the least. He knows where Jon and I stand with our beliefs. At previous visits he has made general comments like "which ever god you decide to worship", but this visit was different. He really seemed to be perplexed. He stated that "medicine is based on statistics so your outlook for your baby is not good. But with that said, I know that a lot of people are praying for you and there is always room for miracles to take place".When I went to the specialist 2 weeks ago, I was measured at 17 weeks (I was 20 weeks along). They say that when you are 20 weeks, the top of the uterus should be at your belly button. (It was at least an inch if not more below my belly button) At this visit I don't know what week I measured at, BUT the top of my uterus was above my belly button! I'm at the end of 22 weeks. You are suppose to gain 1 cm each week of pregnancy, so we were really encouraged by this. Keep praying...God is listening and healing!I stated in previous notes to pray Big, to pray with Boldness, pray through scriptures and so on. I've been learning so much about this and thinking not of myself during this time, but about a dear friend of mine whose mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. She is such a faithful prayer warrior and has so much trust and faith in God. To be honest, when I found out that she had this horrible cancer, I knew it wasn't good. My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer. (They told her she had 3 months to live and she died in 6 weeks. I watched this disease eat away at my grandmother and it was horrible!) I'm embarrassed to say this, but over the past year of praying for her and praying for a miracle of healing, I've also had the statistics of this horrible disease in the back of my mind. When praying for my friend’s mother, I made the statistics of this disease bigger than God, which is so backwards to what I should have been doing. The great thing about this situation that Jon and I are going through is that I'm learning to pray again...the way God wants me to pray. So when I encourage you to pray Big, pray with Boldness, pray through the Biblical Truths God has given, I'm encouraging you to make this a part of your daily prayer life, not just with my situation, but with ALL situations. (We are honored though to have your prayers.) As stated in previous e-mails, this situation is not about us or our baby, it's about bringing God all the glory and being faithful servants. I can honestly say that I have surrendered our child and this situation to God. God is Good, All the Time and He is unchanging. I don’t know how to say this. Some of what we’ve been experiencing is so above us and our understanding, so I will do my best to say this, but the words my not be clear. God’s glory and who He is, is not dependant of Him healing my child. No matter what comes of life, my faith will not be shaken. My one and only focus of wanting our child healed is so peoples faith will increase, their lives will be changed and those who are lost will come to know Christ through our child's life...I want this to be ALL about God and for God. It's not that I don't love or want this baby, because I do, it's just not the most important aspect in this situation. I understand that God healing my baby will also give me what I desire, but the number one goal through this situation is to share our faith and be faithful servants to the work God is wanting to do. (Like I said, I know what is in my heart, and praise God, He knows what's in my heart too, but I'm still having trouble putting it in writting/words).Below is an e-mail that I received from someone our prayer request was sent to and then passed on to others. Please read it and be encouraged. I have received so many e-mails like this and will be sharing them with you. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your prayers. Love, Kristin, Jon and baby LeVanKristin & Jon, I am Betty B's sister-in-law and she emailed us about your situation with your unborn baby. We have been praying for you and your baby and God impressed upon me to tell you about our daughter's miracle! Our daughter and son in law have been married 9 years now, but about 5 years ago decided to start a family. They tried and tried to get pregnant. They started going to a fertility clinic in St. Louis. John had to do those "embarrassing" tests and decided he wasn't the problem. The doctor then did an HSG on Adrienne and it was extremely painful for her and then he said she has a blockage and he operated on her and then he up and left the practice and another doctor took over and she was terrible, she just kept telling them they needed to relax. She kept giving Adrienne shots, clomed, all kinds of stuff. Well she did get pregnant, and lost the baby at 10 weeks and was totally devastated. She teaches school and there were unfortunately 7th grade girls having babies and a high school girl was having her second. She too got frustrated and mad and all the emotions that go along with that and wondered why these young girls could have babies and not be able to take care of them, but they couldn't get pregnant and have one. After messing around with this doctor for over 2 years and after trying on their own for 2 or 3 years to no avail, I talked them into getting a second opinion. That is when we got in touch with Dr. Jorge Penada, he is top in his field of fertility, highly respected by his peers. He did ONE exam and said she has a blockage and he wasn't sure how much he could help that it may take several surgeries to get rid of all the scar tissue in her uterus. He did 3 operations and said everything looked good and if she didn't get pregnant on her own now he would have to help her. Well, we prayed all through this process and she did indeed get pregnant without any fertility drugs. She went to the doctor to make sure she was and they went for a sonogram and said there was no heart beat, that was on a Wednesday. He told her the baby didn't seem to be growing and they would schedule a D & C for the following Thursday, but he wanted to wait at least that long (little over a week). Again, we were all devastated, but this time we stood on God's word that this baby will live and not die and pulled ourselves up by the boot straps and looked this in the face and on Sunday she went up to the altar and asked the pastors and congregation to pray for her and told them the situation. She just KNEW after that that all was well. She went back to the doctor on Thursday and they said they wanted to do another ultrasound before the D&C and the tech doing the test jumped back and said "OH my gosh, I just heard a heartbeat" We all started crying and the doctor came in and confirmed and OH my everyone in the office was going crazy!! I just started crying and saying "Thank you Jesus" about 20 times and we told the doctor and everyone in the office that God had touched her body and that baby and everything was going to be fine. The doctor, again, top in his field said that in the 40 years he has been doing this, NOTHING like this had every happened. So........ little miss Carly Faith was born on April 18, 2008 and is a happy, healthy little girl. Adrienne had even prayed for a little girl with dark hair and blue eyes and that is EXACTLY what God gave her. For me and my house, we believe in miracles from God and God does care about your situation and is willing and able to do a miracle in your life for you and your baby. Keep the faith, give Him the praise and remember you are not alone, HE never leaves you or forsakes you and we are ALL praying and can't wait to hear about your little MIRACLE!!!!!
Update 11/06/2009
Dear Friends,I can’t tell you enough how thankful we are by your faithful prayers. We are truly blessed. This week has been a week of ups and downs but mainly a lot of searching, learning and growing. (A special thank you to those of you who have been praying and then revealing to us what God is revealing to you about His plan for our child…in perfect timing. You are letting us travel this journey and allowing God to reveal Himself to us, and then confirming to us what you already knew).This week of growth started on Sunday with Pastor Darin’s sermon on Salvation. It got me thinking that knowing that you are saved means believing with ALL your heart and mind that Jesus, God’s only Son came to earth, was born to the Virgin Mary. Lived a sinless life. He died on the cross for our sins. He was raised from the dead on the third day. By just believing in Him and surrendering our lives to Him, when we die we will have eternal life. Lets think about this a little more. All of the above in not part of this physical world around us, it is supernatural…it’s God! So, if we as believers truly believe this then why should we not expect God to heal this little baby inside of me? Doesn’t it take more faith to believe the Salvation story then it does that God’s going to completely heal my baby and make it healthy?After Sunday’s message Jon and I talked and we agreed to pray that we would like the results from the test we were having the next day to be the same as before. We truly believed that God could have healed our baby and trust me, we want/wanted to hear that the original tests were wrong. BUT we wanted this second round of testing with the specialist to come back the same so that EVERYONE would know that when our baby is healed and born healthy it was God and only God.As you know we received the answer that we prayed for. This is where the enemy started attacking us. We were starting to get sad and down. How silly of us to be upset when God answered our prayers the way we asked him to. We started saying things like “we’ve got to look at this situation realistically”. (Where is the Hope and the Faith in that!?!) Tuesday we were talking about picking out caskets and I even went to the fabric store to start looking at fabric to make a blanket to wrap my little baby in to be buried with. We still knew that God could heal this child, but we didn’t have the level of faith as before. The enemy was winning our minds over.Wednesday was equally a low day. We then went to our small group where we are studying Experiencing God. In the weekly study it again talked about prayer and sited many miracles and amazing ways God worked in Noah, Abram, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Samuel and Lazarus lives. As Christians we believe the Bible is the Word of God and everything in it is true, that God did perform these miracles and more. He has the power to do more than we can humanly think possible. On Wednesday night during this time with members of our church we should have said “Lets pray for a miracle…God did it in these peoples lives, He’s going to do one now with healing our baby”. But instead we didn’t and we talked about the devastating feeling that loosing a child brings and how to cope (initated by me). Jon and I came home and some things just weren’t sitting right with us. How could we truly have faith with this situation while thinking about caskets preparing to bury our child that is VERY alive and Very active? We took some time to be by ourselves and just pray. I had it out with God and was just so disgusted with myself that I allowed Satan to attack me and my mind and waver from the TRUTH and God’s promises. I begged Him for forgiveness. At that point more than anything I told God that I wanted this baby healed completely so that HE would get ALL the glory and honor and praise. This situation is not about Jon and I and our precious child, it’s about God! I later shared a verse with Jon that caught my eye. John 11:4. “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it”. I believe that my baby is going to be healed and God’s Son will be getting ALL the glory!Even though we were starting to head down the right path I wasn’t completely there yet. Something that I’ve written and said with the best of intention and with a sincere heart just wasn’t sitting right with me. Why was I saying “I just want God’s will”. What’s wrong saying that? Isn’t that what all Christians want is God’s will? Where did this saying begin? Is it in scriptures? By saying “I just want God’s will” like saying God, I believe…but if you want a way out from answering my prayer here it is?I then began thinking back to the Experiencing God lesson from the week before about God already knows what He wants to give you. The Holy Spirit’s task is to get you to want it-to get you to ask for it. What will happen when you ask for things God already wants to give or do? You will always receive it. Why? Because you have asked according to the will of God. When God answers your prayer, He gets the glory and your faith is increased. So my new question was…How do I really know God’s will? At this point, is when Jon called me and told me we are not planning or thinking about this child not surviving because God is going to heal it! I said good, because I was starting to feel the same way…that by thinking like we had been is not having faith.As stated above, with my question where do we learn to say “I just want God’s will to be done”? Well as I thought about it more, all I could think of was the Lord’s prayer where it says “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. It occurred to me that it doesn’t say “your will be done”…it says “your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. Heaven is perfect…it’s where God is...He is perfect. This earth is not perfect, we aren’t perfect. If we read what the Bible says about God, and if we believe God’s word is TRUE then scripture has already told us what God’s will is for this baby and it is for this baby to be healed and live.After receiving an encouraging e-mail from someone we don’t know, and they don’t know us, they have just heard our story they just felt like they needed to share their own story of faith and God’s healing power with us. They encouraged us to go and buy the book Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. (Anyone who is trying to get pregnant, is pregnant needs to get this book immediately…I wish I would have known about it sooner, but then if I did, we wouldn’t be sharing this experience with you now). Last night I took sometime to read the first two chapters, and I can tell you now with 110% faith that my child will be healed and the sickness it had was not God’s will! I know what the test results said, and I don’t care! Sickness and death is from Satan…so is doubt! Doctors and test results do not have the final say in my babies condition, God does! God is my source, our final authority and His will is for our baby to be healed and for me to carry this baby to full term and deliver a healthy baby. I’m making my baby a blanket just as I had originally planned, but it’s to bring my baby home in because I believe.Fellow believers it is time for us to take back what God has given to us. To stop believing Satan’s lies! It is time for us to stop being blinded by what we know in this physical world and rely on the ONE and ONLY TRUTH and what HIS PROMISES are to us. Of course it makes absolutely no sense at all to say that my baby that was diagnosed with having oligohydramnosis and bi-lateral renal agenesis is going to live…no modern medicine can fix my baby, BUT with God as the GREAT PHYSICAIN it makes ALL the sense in the world!To our church family, It is time for us to be on our knees speaking Biblical Truths about God’s promises and not hold back. There are so many that are struggling with infertility and carrying a child to full term…It is time for us to truly experience God and His plan for our lives. It is time for us to pray for one another with faith that can move mountains or for those who are just getting started, the faith of a mustard seed. The TRUTH is in the Living Word. It’s time for healing to take place.Jon and I are asking that those who would like to join in prayer, prayer for complete healing, that you stand with us in agreement for what we are asking of our God and what is confirmed by His Word. It’s time that we use scripture to pray and to confess His Truths to the deceiver. It’s time for us to use the power that God has given us as believers. It’s time to not rely on our own understanding and knowledge but that of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.Thank you, thank you with all our hearts for your prayers. Keep them up…make them big, because you can’t out think God! Love, Jon and Kristin
Update 11/02/2009
Dear Friends, I apologize for not updating you on the appoinment sooner. You have been so faithful in prayer for us and for our baby and it is helping us to get through this difficult situation. We are quickly learning that this situation is emotionally draining. I sometimes think that emotional stress is more draining than physical stress. Even though we were prepared for anything today, we still left the appointment drained! It was great to be able to see our baby again and see it moving and it's little strong heart just beating away. Unfortunately, the results are the same from the first test. It is confirmed that along with the oligohydramnois the baby also has bilateral renal agenesis. (Lack of amniotic fluid, missing both kidneys). The doctor couldn't tell, but thinks that the baby doesn't have a bladder, but thinks that there may be a stomach. They still weren't able to see the sex of the baby, and relastically, the sex organs may not have developed since they develope at the same time as the kidneys. Only time will tell if we have a little Anaiah or Joshua. Right now it is a waiting period. We still have faith that God can completely heal our baby, but we want His will. This little one has already impacted the lives of many, and this may be His sole purpose for this child. Even though emotions can run deep, we are second best for this child compared to God and we will be able to spend eternity with him/her. This child is a blessing to us because before we getting pregnant we didn't know if we would be able to have children, and now we have one and we know that this is possible. This child is an answer to prayer. We do want to help other families during this time. We are researching transplants and like we said before, we are also looking into the research that the University of Michigan is doing. We are now a liitle torn and need to look into this option more. Since this condition is rare, and not genetic, we are questioning exactly what research they are doing and for what purpose. If it is to understand this condition it is one thing, but if it is to form a test to see if someone could have this condition so they can terminate the pregnancy early on, then we aren't ok with helping them wtih them. One story that I would like to share with you all is this...before the appointment we had a great time just lifting this situation and our baby up in prayer and praying for the docotr, the equipment and technicians and so on. During the appointment it was such a blessing just to hear the doctor and the technician talking openly (good and bad) with what they see. About halfway through the appointment the doctor just looked at us and asked "did you guys research this condition because normally this is the point where everyone is crying and not understanding why this is happening". We were able to tell him that we have done some research, but we have such a good support system and so many people praying for us that we have God's perfect peace and His strength to get us through this. The whole atmosphere of the exam changed and it was great. The technician seemed to relax and almost blessed with hearing this. She later shared with us that her best friend had the same thing happen to her, but the baby was born at full term and this was never caught until the baby was born and then died shortly after birth. She had no warning or time to prepare. How devestating this would be. We are so thankful that we have time to prepare. Your contiued prayer is greatly appreciated. This is just the beginning of a long journey. We are going to be the best parents to this baby as we possible can. We are praying for this baby, journaling to the baby like we did before we found out that the baby was sick, and I'm taking those fun prenatal vitamins like I'm suppose to. The hardest part right now with wanting to be good parents is that there is so much more that we want to do for the baby, but we just aren't able to...even the small stuff that makes you feel good, but the baby will never know you did this out of love for them like shoping for cute outfits, decorating their room and so on. When we found out the diagnosis of our baby Jon and I had a good talk that we would get through this together as a team...we wouldn't shut the other one out. Our way of handling things is that I need to talk about things and I harden my heart to painful situations, where as Jon just shuts down and doesn't want to talk. We've been doing a good job of leaning on eachother (along with God) and just being open with oneanother and there for eachother. Our marriage is getting stronger because of this. (While we were trying to get pregnant there were times when Jon was really struggling and we would talk briefly, but then when I would have bad days, I wouldn't tell Jon that I was having them because I didn't want to bring him down or upset him more...we have learned from this situation that we have to be there for eachother and work through hard and difficult times together as a team). There are going to be a lot of decissions that are going to have to be made within the next 19 weeks or sooner. Please pray for strength and wisdom with these decissions that have to be made. Also, continue to pray for a miracle, because God is big enough to revese this problem. He is the creator and maker of everything. We are being realisitc with this situation but we also have hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers. We love each one of you and feel blessed to be able to share this with you. Love, Jon and Kristin
Update 11/01/2009 Baby LeVan has a name...or two
Baby LeVan has a name...or two. Hopefully tomorrow we will at least know the sex of the baby so we can officially name him or her. If it is a girl we are naming her Anaiah (Grace or Faith, we haven't decided). Anaiah means God answers prayers. We have prayed and so many others have joined us while we were trying to get pregnant and now with this next trial that this name is very fitting. If it is a boy we are naming him Joshua, which means God rescues. (No middle name yet). We have complete faith that God will rescure and take care of our baby. Both names are Hebrew names and we chose them because of their meaning. We prayed before we even started looking at names and asked God to help lead us in naming His child. We go for another test tomorrow at 1:30, so hopefully we will have more answers and know more. No matter what the outcome, we know that God is with us and our baby. Thank you for your prayers...God is at work with this situation. We have a really good feeling about this. Love, Kristin and Jon
Update 10/29/2009
Dear Friends, There is so much on my mind that I want to share with you. Unfortunately, there really isn't any new news to share with you about the baby's condition. I do have an appointment on Monday, November 2, 2009 at 1:30 p.m. with a high risk pregnancy specialist. As for naming this baby...do you know how hard it is to name a baby you don't know the sex of? Hopefully we will come to a decision soon...or maybe Monday we will at least have the answer to this mysterious question of what the sex of the baby is. Thank you again to everyone who is praying for us. I can not explain the peace and joy we are feeling at this time. Honestly, if it wasn’t for your prayers, we would not be where we are right now. I can honestly tell you that I haven’t felt as good about this pregnancy as I do right now. God is going to do something HUGE and we can't wait to see what that is. It may be that someone who doesn't know Christ comes to know Him as their personal Savior...that's a miracle! And it may be that God gives my baby 20 week and 2 day old functioning kidney's, bladder, stomach, the right amount of amniotic fluid and to repair any and all damage that the lack of these organs and fluids have caused. If my God is big enough to create this world and everything in and around it, then providing these things for my baby is easy for Him to do. Last night at small group we are studying the series Experiencing God. We just finished chapter 5. (Honestly, I didn't do the weekly study this week...I'm a slacker). During the discussion the following caught my eye: What happens when you pray? The Holy Spirit knows what God has in store for you. It is already there. The Holy Spirit's task is to get you to want it-to get you to ask for it. What will happen when you ask for things God already wants to give or do? You will always receive it. Why? Because you have asked according to the will of God. When God answers your prayer, He gets the glory and your faith is increased. ...You must decide, however, that you only want His Will. You must dismiss any selfish or fleshly desires of your own. Then, as you start to pray, the Spirit of God starts to touch your heart and cause you to pray in the direction of God's will. (Phil. 2:13). Deny self first. In all honesty with yourself and before God, come to the place where you are sure that your only desire is to know God's will alone. Then check to see what the Holy Spirit is say in other ways. Ask yourself: What is He saying to me in His Word? What is He saying to me in prayer? Is He confirming it through circumstances? Is He confirming it through the counsel of other believers? I shared this with Jon, and we honestly with all of our hearts want God's will to be done with this situation. Ever since we found out we were pregnant with this little one we've been praying for it and telling God, this child is His. As we journal daily/weekly to our baby we are telling it how much we love him/her and how important it is that he/she has a personal relationship with Christ. Our desire for this child is to be a Christ follow and just to love the Lord with all of his/her heart. As we continued talking about prayer and praying for God's will with this baby, we just started naming off Biblical truths and promises that God has given us. God is the GIVER of Life and ALL things. He is allowing us to go through this, but death and sickness is not apart of His plan...it's a result of sin. God raised Christ from the dead...God can heal my baby! He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. He has NO LIMITS! God is an ever present help in a time of trouble...my baby is in trouble and needs His help and He promises to be there. God is the Great Physician. He's the maker and giver of life. He gave my baby life and He can heal my baby! He has healed so many...those we read about in the Bible (the man who was blind, the hemorrhaging woman, the demon possessed, those with leprosy), he brought Lazarus back from the dead, and I know that you know people who have been sick and have been told that their is no hope suddenly are healed. This is how God works...this is His plan for us all. I could go on and on, but this is how we have to be praying...petitioning to God that His will be done with this situation. All that matters is that God is given ALL the glory and those who have little faith will grow in their faith and trust God more, for those who are lost and don't know Him come to accept Him and have a personal relationship with Him, for those who are hurting, be healed by and through His precious name. If my baby has to loose his/her life so that others may grow and accept Him, then this all is worth it. But if my baby can live, and I can hold him/her in my/our arms and raise him/her to be a God fearing, loving responsible person and still all of the above stuff still be accomplished through my baby's life, then I want this too. I'm not willing to settle praying just for God to spare my baby's life, I want my baby healed completely so that when everyone sees him/her they know that this baby is a miracle and that there really is a God who loves and cares about each one of us. Regardless of the outcome, my baby will be completely and fully healed. Keep praying and pray specifically for the healing we know that God can do. We love you and appreciate everyone of you. Love, Jon and Kristin
Update 10/27/2009
I can not tell you or even describe to you the overwhelming peace and comfort we are feeling right now. During such a hard time one should not be filled with the Joy of the Lord, but we are. Currently, we are in the middle of naming the baby so that when people pray, they can pray for the baby by name...instead of just baby LeVan. =) I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is in control in ALL of this and His will, will be done! I know that God is going to work a miracle and am excited to see what it will be and how He will work. (I know that it may not be the exact miracle that we are praying for, but this will turn out to be good and bring All the glory to God). This baby is a fighter and is just moving around like nothing is wrong. I know this is our child because we are both strong willed and stubborn...I wouldn't expect anything else. I still don't have an exact date and time for the next exam, but it should be this week. We will keep you posted. Please, please, please continue your prayers and pass this on to others. The more people that are praying the better. And you never know who could be healed from just hearing our story. Prayer made this baby possible and pray will heal it. Pray specifically for a miracle of complete healing...as our profile states...He is going to heal this baby one of two ways...either through a miracle or through taking the baby home to be with Him. Thank you, we love each and every one of you!!! Love, Kristin
Update 10/24/2009
Dear friends, Here is a detailed note of what is going on. I'm sorry for the lenght of it...I think that typing this all out is somewhat theraputic. Even thought things don't look good, God is still God and on His throne and He can do anything! Thank you for your love, prayer and support. Love, Jon and KristinWhat we thought would be a normal day and the joyous occasion of seeing our baby again and hearing it’s little heartbeat and finding out if it’s a boy of a girl was completely opposite of what we were expecting. As the ultrasound was being performed it was great to see the baby moving and to hear its little heartbeat and see that all bones are forming correctly. One would think everything is alright when you can clearly see all 4 chambers of its little heart and it just beating so strongly like it should. My plans had started to change for the day when the ultrasound tech said that she couldn’t determine if the baby was a boy or a girl. I had already had plans that after the ultrasound appointment I would return to work and when finished for the day I would go to Joann Fabrics to begin to pick out colors and fabrics for making curtains, blankets and whatnot for baby LeVan. As I heard the news that the sex could not be determined I just thought “what am I going to do after work”!, “how am I going to decorate the nursery not knowing ahead of time what the sex of the baby is”? This soon became the least of my worries. After the ultrasound was complete, the technician left the room and when she came back she was very cold and distant. She said that the results had been sent to our doctors. That is when Jon asked “is everything alright” and she replied “I can’t tell you anything, but your doctor will definitely be calling you”. We tried not to freak out, but your mind just goes crazy waiting and just wanting someone to tell you the truth and tell you like it is so you can appropriately prepare yourself. Long story short, but during the time of waiting, I was able to get a copy of the radiology report. Between reading it and Google we realized what we were dealing with. We had time to process the news and just sit and cry before going to our 4:30 unscheduled doctor’s appointment.So here is what is going on.1. We serve an awesome God and He can and will do anything He wants to. He is to be given ALL the glory. If He wants to heal my baby He will. There is nothing that He can’t do and He is good ALL THE TIME! He knows exactly what we are going through because He’s been there too, He lost His only son. IF it is God’s will we are praying for a miracle that God will just completely heal this baby and make it whole. Whatever God’s plans are we don’t want to stand in His way.2. What the medical diagnosis looks like is this. My baby is alive and has a strong heartbeat. Last night it was very active which made it even harder to sleep knowing what is going on and trying to wrap our brains around this. At 9 weeks I had an ultrasound done and everything was normal and looked great. I had another one done at 12 weeks and the same. Somewhere between 12 weeks and 19 weeks I have lost amniotic fluid. I haven’t had any problems with this pregnancy and there is no explanation to why this is happening. The condition is called oliogohydramnios. The radiologist read the ultrasounds and couldn’t find the baby's kidneys (or kidney tissue), a stomach or bladder. (They could be there, but just very dehydrated so they shrunk). A secondary problem is that the baby’s skull is misshaped (dolichocephalic) which is due to the lack of ammonic fluid. This is very rare in pregnancy and happens to 1 in 5,000 . The mortality rate is 80-90%. (Good news is he said that with the next pregnancy, this shouldn’t be an issue…this is just a fluke, weird thing).Ok, so where does this leave us. Sometime next week we’ll go in for another more in-depth ultrasound to see exactly what we are looking at.1. IF the baby really doesn’t have any kidney’s we have decided that we will help the University of Michigan with their research of this condition. If we can help save one baby by helping we will.2. The baby will continue to grow and develop until I could either carry it to full term or deliver a live or still born baby. If the baby lives it will be very sick and die within a couple of days due to the lack of lung development due to the lack of amniotic fluid in which it needs. This is the hardest part. I have no complications, I’ve had no problems. The doctor was surprised and wasn't expecting the results that he received today from the ultrasound. The baby’s heartbeat is so strong and the baby is actively moving, but is being kept alive by me.We are asking for specific prayer in these areas:1. That God’s will be done and we don’t stand in His way. He can work miracles and I can have a healthy baby.2. For strength. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to go on each day with this live, active baby in me just waiting for it to die so that I can deliver. (The option was put out there that after next weeks findings depending on what they were, I could be induced and deliver the baby alive knowing that it won’t survive. This IS NOT an option…it’s still abortion even if it makes daily life for me easier. I want to add that my doctor is prolife…he just wanted to throw it out there that it was an option).3. Rest. I have trouble sleeping in general, and last night was so hard. I can’t get my mind to turn off and all I do is stay awake, thinking and crying. Jon is exhausted and struggling too.4. Patience…to be able to wait till next week to get the tests, the results and just to have/keep the faith that God will provide.5. That if this baby isn’t to be healed that it won’t feel any pain regardless of its time left with us.Thank you all for you love and support. If you have any questions or anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. We want to be very open with this.Also, for all of my dear friends who are currently pregnant...please, please, please don't feel sorry for us. We are so happy for you and the blessing God is giving you. Please don't feel awkward in sharing with us during your time of happiness and joy because we are rejoicing with you too.
Baby LeVan 8/23/2009
Last summer we decided that we were ready to start a family, so we started trying last July. My goal was not to get pregnant in July, but in August. (If it happend in July, that was ok) My plan was simple and flawless...get pregnant in August, have the baby in May when Jon was done with school. Then I'd be able to have his help with the newborn baby all summer long. We didn't want to tell people that we were trying. We (or I) wanted it to be this big surprise that totally took people by surprise. I had these plans of trying to keep it from our families for as long and I could and on a certain holiday to tell them and catch them off guard. Well, God had a differnt plan than mine.After not getting pregnant in August, I was really upset and ready to stop and wait until next August. I had my perfect plan and it didn't work out. I know that God knew the desires of my heart and how I was thinking...why wouldn't he allow me to get pregnant in my timing? I was even more upset when Jon said that he thinks it would take us awhile before we got pregnant. I thought about it and decided well, if I got pregnant in September, Jon would still be home for a couple of weeks during the summer before returning to school. As the months went on and the same results came we found ourselves in a lot of prayer. We know that God is faithful and would provide. We then began to wonder, does God just want us to focus on the kids at youth group and not have children? Does he want us to adopt? We just kept praying and trying to follow His leading. The discourage had not yet set in.At the end of April we were hit with an unexpected "blow". One of the youth that we had been working with found himself becoming a father at a young age. We love this young man and know that God has a great plan for his life, and are happy at the steps he is taking in becoming a responsible parent. And this is were the jealousy and frustration began. We confided in a few youth sponsor about our struggle with getting pregnant and now with our bad attitude. Why is it that loving couples who desire to have a family can't get pregnant and those (not specifically this young man, but people in general) who don't want the baby can have them? This was a time our faith was being tested. Not only were we still asking all of the above questions, we began to ask "should we start getting test for infertility"? If something was wrong with one of us, is it better to know that one of us were infertile? Could we handle this? How would it affect our marriage? But what if there was something wrong and it was an easy fix, then wouldn't we be foolish not to at least seek help? Finally, we (I) set our pride aside. We decided that it was time to take things to the next step. It was no longer good enough for just us to be praying and the few people we had confided in, it was time to share our struggle/desire and request prayer from our families and church family. We didn't want to burden our families with the news that we've been trying for what felt to be such a long time. We knew that they would be sad for us and hurt for us. But after much thought and prayer we let both the church family and our families in on our situation. The overwhelming support and encouragement has been amazing, and we've been able to see that the power of prayer really does work.At the end of May we met with our family doctor and he said that Jon would begin testing first. He was the easiest to test and rule out if there were any problems. We waited a little while before Jon went and got tested. (June was just a little bit of a crazy month). At the end of June, Jon made the fun trip to the lab. (Anyone who has to go through this our hearts go out to you). It was awhile before we got the results back...I think it was God's sense of humor.One day in July while I was at work, I just started feeling really wierd. I had already had a headach for two weeks and counting, but now I had to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes and I was so thirsty and found myself making really goofy mistakes. I honestly thought I was starting to get a UTI again. For some reason over lunch I decided to take a pregnancy test...and it was positive. I began to shake and knew it was not true! It says 99.9% accurate, and I knew that I was the .1% that was the error! After work I went to Target to get a couple more tests. I went into the handicap stall and took the test. I couldn't wait. It was positive too...and again it was wrong. I called a friend to have her talk some sense into me and I continued to tell her that she was wrong. I think that I knew deep down that it was right, I was pregnant, but I had to make sure. So a total of 5 tests later I decided that I really was pregnant and it was safe to tell Jon. (I just didn't want to get his hopes up just to crush them).As I was coming home from Target Jon called and said that he got his results back from his test and that he was picking up OG for dinner and lets go eat down by the river. This would be the perfect time to tell him the good news. But then I thought, oh I hope his test results don't come back saying that he is sterile...b/c I know differently. (There was some problems at the lab with how they processed things that did make us question how accurate the results would be).I stopped by Boarders on the way home and purchased a journal. I wrote Jon and note in it just encouraging him that God will provide a family for us in His perfect timing and what not. I then turned the page and put the date and wrote Dear Baby LeVan, your daddy is just now finding out that you are joining our family... (My parents kept a journal and wrote to my while they were pregnant with me. I had always thought this was a neat idea and I enjoy looking back at what they wrote. I knew that I wanted to do this for my child too).We went down to the river for dinner and Jon shared his results (which were really good, obviously). I then gave him the journal and he read it and said thank you. I asked him to turn the page and as he read it he began to cry. We just sat and cried our tears of happiness and prayed prayers of thankfulness.We knew that God would provide and that it would be in His perfect timing, NOT ours. We are so thankful for all the prayers, encouragement and support we've received. Please continue to pray for the little baby that is developing inside of me and that it's a happy, healthy baby.I'm due March 16th, 2010! We had an ultrasound done at week 9 and got to hear the babies heart beat and see it move it's little arms and legs and then go to sleep. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen and heard...and yes, I creid, even to my surprise. (I thought it would be Jon who cried). I'll be going back at week 12 for another ultrasound. I can't wait to see how much more the baby is developed. We do plan on finding out the sex of the baby, but that won't be until week 20...so 9 more weeks to go.Thanks again for everything and to those who have started blessing us with baby supplies. You have no idea of the gifts you are giving. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! The baby's room is getting cleaned really well, repainted (by Jon) and crib getting set. (I can't be patient and wait...it's go, go, go). We are looking forward to the baby's arrival.So, this is the story so far. Thanks for reading.Love, Jon and Kristin
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