Dear Friends,
We thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for your thoughts and prayers. You have no idea how your prayers are carrying us through and just helping to shape our attitudes and have the right perspectives in this situation.
James 1:2-8 says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
I have often wondered during bad times how can you have a good attitude let alone joy. I have always been a realist and more so a pessimistic realist. I would rather dwell on the reality of the situation in a negative way. Now Jon is also a realist, but very optimistic. Through prayer, friends challenging us and a lot of digging in God’s word I have learned that I need to be optimistic through all circumstances because God is Good, His Word is True and It Works in Our Lives. ;) We have been blessed to meet many new friends through our circumstance. Those friendships have helped to plant seeds to push us forward and introduce us to God’s will for all of his children’s lives.
For awhile we had been struggling with complacency. We knew that we desired more, but didn’t know how to get out of this rut. Through our baby’s diagnosis it has plunged us forward into a new world of discovering God’s love for us and His desires for all of His children’s lives. Our marriage has NEVER been stronger and more fulfilling. Our faith and relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ has NEVER been stronger. We have so much thirst and hunger to know Him more. We have pure joy in this circumstance and it is unexplainable…I can’t even begin to describe it. It is truly from the Lord. We still hear people say to us “I’m so sorry that you are going through this…” and I just reply please don’t be…this honestly is the best thing that could have ever happened to us. We wouldn’t change it for the world. Be happy for us. I know…this is craziness, but this is the Lord working in us and through us! (We know that people just don’t know what to say. If I had a friend going through this, I think that I would be saying the same thing…well, at least I would have).
With all that said, we have come to learn some things about our Heavenly Father, His Character, His Word and promises to us.
1.A crisis is when you need to focus your attention on what God has already provided for you so you can press forward. I wish I would have kept a prayer journal to just be able to look back and see in writing all of the prayer requests God has answered and how He is always faithful. This little tool of having a prayer journal would have helped to increase my faith and trust in the Lord by seeing how He has worked in my life in the past. I know He will ALWAYS provide for me in the future, but sometimes looking at what He has already done helps you keep your focus. Even though I don’t have all my prayers documented by specific circumstances, I know that He is faithful and true and will always provide.
2.Mark 11:22-23 Jesus said to them “Have faith in God constantly. Truly, I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, be lifted up and thrown into the sea and does not doubt at all in his heart, be believes that what he says will take place; it will be done for him. I’ve heard these verses since I was young and I have always believed it, but I don’t think that I fully understood it. The mountains that we are telling to move are the circumstances in our lives. 3.We believe that if God said it, He meant it! And if He said it, it’s True. And if He said it, it works and all we have to do is have faith in it. If you have faith in it, it works and if you don’t then it doesn’t. I’ve really had to search my heart about this. I have always said “I believe the Bible to be God’s Word and it is true, without fault/mistakes. BUT If I truly believe the Word of God to be true, perfect and without fault then God means what He says. He is perfect, He does not lie. If only parts of what God says is true, then this would change the nature of God and who He is. So when He says in Isaiah 55:11 so shall my word be that goes out of my mouth; it shall not return me void/empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. If God tells us anything in the Bible, we are to believe it and claim it for our own. It is ours through being a child of God’s. It is not our place to put God in a box because we are afraid of being disappointed of the result or out of fear that He may not answer our request. He says all we have to do is ask in His son’s name and it is given. Also in John 12:12-14 it says “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. All we have to do is ask and believe. We may need to be persistent because the devil wants to distract and discourage us. But God is faithful and always true to His word because He is the Amen…The Truth. So, this is just a little tidbit on where Jon and I are right now.
For the month of November we had NO TV NOVEMBER in our home. We spent this time in prayer and reading about God or just listening to praise and worship music. (I think that NO TV NOVEMBER is going to carry out into other months as well). A couple of weeks ago I went to Hobby Lobby to look for a scrapbook to begin to put all the e-mails and cards of encouragement in. I started off looking at fabric for the baby to make a blanket and was completely fine. I was so excited. Then I came to the scrapbook aisle. I was so overwhelmed by the choices and caught myself saying “if the baby was a boy I’d pick this one, or if it was a girl, I’d pick this one”. Well the lack of my control in this situation and getting what I want got the best of me. I started crying (having an adult pregnancy/hormonal temper tantrum) and high stepped it as fast as I could to the bathroom. I stood in there sobbing for 5 minutes over a stupid scrapbook and the fact that I couldn’t get exactly what I wanted. After I told myself to suck it up and that a neutral scrapbook was just fine, I stopped crying. I went back out and got a very cute scrapbook, but one I wouldn’t normally choose. It was off to the paper section. Again, I became a little discouraged because I couldn’t find what I wanted. I started to tear up, but said a little prayer…”God, I could use a little hug right now”. As I looked up, a dear friend from college’s parents came down the aisle. I said hi to them and told them that I think that God sent to be in the aisle at this very minute, that they were an answer to my prayers. And then we hugged and cried again in the middle of Hobby Lobby.
So, if you ever wonder who cries at Hobby Lobby, one of the happiest places on earth for adult women…I do! God is teaching me so much through this pregnancy and one of the biggest is to stop being such a control freak. Nothing about this pregnancy has gone as I have planned. All control has been taken away from me. The only thing that is left for me to control is my choices. So, I’m choosing to praise and trust in God and His Word and pray, pray and pray some more and just keep learning more about Him.
At the same time I was at Hobby Lobby, Jon was at home. Even though it was NO TV NOVEMBER, Jon felt led to turn the TV onto channel 46. Dr. Lester Sumrall was on speaking about healing. It was just what Jon needed to hear at that time. Needless to say, God was working and revealing himself to us that night. Now to make a long story short, we have purchased Dr. Lester Sumrall’s 15 part series on Divine Healing and Human Illness. So every night instead of watching TV, we have been watching sermons from Dr. Sumrall. We laugh because we never thought that we would be watching Dr. Sumrall and his teachings and actually enjoying them. Even though his sermon series is at least 20 years old, it is awesome to see how God’s Word is unchanging through the ages.
I had my last doctor’s appointment last Friday, December 4th. My doctor said that I’m still growing; the baby is growing and has a strong heartbeat. He reassured me that he feels that Jon and I are doing the right thing. He said that if he and his wife were in the same position they’d be doing the same thing. He said that even though the circumstances don’t look good, you just don’t know if your baby is the 1 in a million that is a miracle. (I just smiled and listened and clung to the promises God has given).
I’m currently reading a book called Supernatural Healing by Sid Roth & Linda Josef. A lot about receiving healing has to do with forgiveness. I’ve learned that it’s not just a feeling, but a command. (Duh! As human’s we seem to miss the boat on this one). It’s not based on another person deserving it. If you are judging them, you are taking God’s role. It is so freeing to just let go and forgive. Why take on something that you don’t need to own…it’s not your place to hold onto. What use to seem so important to hold onto really has no value. I think that going through a crisis helps you to see more clearly on what truly in important and holding a grudge and not forgiving is so not worth the time and energy.
I’m also learning that there is a difference between miracles and healing. “Many times we look for a miracle and miss the healing. We plant the truth about healing from God’s Word (seed) and believe we are healed. Mark 11:24 says “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”. When we do not instantly receive our miracle, we are confused. This then puts us in unbelief. Instead, recognize that a miracle is an instant healing and a healing is a gradual miracle”. So either way, if God has granted us a miracle of instant healing for our baby, then I’ll take it and give God all the glory, but if God is granting us healing for our baby, then we know it is a gradual miracle and God still receives all the glory. Either way, God is Good! His Word is True! And It Works in Our Live.
With much love, Jonathan and Kristin
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