Update 02/05/2010

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouraging words. To be completely honest as the time grows closer to March 16th I find the attack that is taking place on my mind by the enemy getting stronger. If something in my body changes I find myself full of panic thinking back to the medical diagnosis that was given in late October instead of taking a deep breath and focusing on God first. I find myself just singing the song Cling to the Call by John Waller so often. I wish that I would have learned by now to trust God first and not freak out. God has been so faithful all my life and hasn't changed now in the middle of this circumstance. So I thank those of you who are just so encouraging and reminding me/us to stay focused on God, His promises and truths. Everyday, every hour, every minute and second we have to make that decision to keep our eyes, minds and thoughts on Him. Before I continue, I have to share the wonderful words of John Waller's song.

I was walking on water just a week ago
Not a care in the world even a day ago
Not sure what happened but all of the sudden I saw the crashing waves all around me
And once again I had to choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You And You said...

Cling to the call Cling to the peace that guards your heart
Cling to the promise Though you stumble you won't fall
I will uphold you now just trust me with all
Just look at me and I will lead you as you Cling to the call

I could stand without wavering just an hour ago
I could not deny You even a moment ago
Not sure what happened but three times denied You
And once again I've gotta choose To put my eyes back on You
My eyes back on You

Now once again I trust You're leading me
I choose to lean not On my understanding,
Lord And I will sing as I cling to the call…

Awe, such a great song...I just wish that I was to a point in my walk that my eyes are glued on Him and that I never look away. I love how He is so trustworthy and dependable yet hate I'm not the same for Him...I'm trying but not there yet. It makes you realize that there is so much more growing and refining that has to take place. As long as we are faithful and take it one step at a time, He will be there to guide you no matter what.

I had an appointment on Friday. Baby's heartbeat is still strong and the baby still likes to move about. I get a kick out of seeing my stomach change shapes depending on how the baby positions itself. Dr. Wheet even said that looking at numbers and growth everything looks great. If it weren't for the ultrasounds he wouldn't think that anything was wrong.

We also had a really good talk...one that I haven't been ready to have with him, but I guess it was coming sooner than later. He asked me how I was mentally doing. I told him that we are doing really well and at perfect peace with everything. He said that he is amazed with how we are handling this situation. I told him that honestly it's because God is good and so many people, literally thousands of people are lifting us up daily in prayer. He then said that he's been praying for us too. He then asked me what I was thinking. I didn't understand what he was asking. (I've also been trying to guard myself and not get into a big "God" and "belief" vs. “statistics” and “science” conversation with him up to this point). He then said, are you hoping for a miracle or what are you thinking? I looked at him and said, yes we are praying for a miracle. God created this whole universe and everything in it, He created us, giving my child the parts that are missing is nothing to Him, so yes, we are praying for a miracle. He then said Kristin, the statistics are not in your favor (in my head I just said, my God is bigger than your statistics) but I can't explain why people who have terminal cancer are healed when they shouldn't be. I can't answer their questions of what happened, and I don't feel the need to. All I know is that I wouldn't mind being wrong with the diagnosis of your baby...I'm hoping for a miracle. It was just a really good conversation, one that I wasn't prepared for. I got home and told Jon what happened and he said, did you tell Dr. Wheet that he wasn't wrong with the diagnosis, Jesus just healed our baby? I didn't tell him that even though I thought it...I just thought that I would wait to tell him that when he's holding our perfect and healthy baby. Another two weeks until the next appointment.

Thank you again so much for your prayers. We are humbled by them and all of the love you’ve shown to us. At times it's very overwhelming and hard to understand why so many love us especially the ones who have committed to pray for us that don't even know us. All I know is that each and every one of you is demonstrating God's love. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Love, Jon and Kristin and baby LeVan (who will be here in just 5 quick weeks.)