Update 10/24/2009

Dear friends, Here is a detailed note of what is going on. I'm sorry for the lenght of it...I think that typing this all out is somewhat theraputic. Even thought things don't look good, God is still God and on His throne and He can do anything! Thank you for your love, prayer and support. Love, Jon and KristinWhat we thought would be a normal day and the joyous occasion of seeing our baby again and hearing it’s little heartbeat and finding out if it’s a boy of a girl was completely opposite of what we were expecting. As the ultrasound was being performed it was great to see the baby moving and to hear its little heartbeat and see that all bones are forming correctly. One would think everything is alright when you can clearly see all 4 chambers of its little heart and it just beating so strongly like it should. My plans had started to change for the day when the ultrasound tech said that she couldn’t determine if the baby was a boy or a girl. I had already had plans that after the ultrasound appointment I would return to work and when finished for the day I would go to Joann Fabrics to begin to pick out colors and fabrics for making curtains, blankets and whatnot for baby LeVan. As I heard the news that the sex could not be determined I just thought “what am I going to do after work”!, “how am I going to decorate the nursery not knowing ahead of time what the sex of the baby is”? This soon became the least of my worries. After the ultrasound was complete, the technician left the room and when she came back she was very cold and distant. She said that the results had been sent to our doctors. That is when Jon asked “is everything alright” and she replied “I can’t tell you anything, but your doctor will definitely be calling you”. We tried not to freak out, but your mind just goes crazy waiting and just wanting someone to tell you the truth and tell you like it is so you can appropriately prepare yourself. Long story short, but during the time of waiting, I was able to get a copy of the radiology report. Between reading it and Google we realized what we were dealing with. We had time to process the news and just sit and cry before going to our 4:30 unscheduled doctor’s appointment.So here is what is going on.1. We serve an awesome God and He can and will do anything He wants to. He is to be given ALL the glory. If He wants to heal my baby He will. There is nothing that He can’t do and He is good ALL THE TIME! He knows exactly what we are going through because He’s been there too, He lost His only son. IF it is God’s will we are praying for a miracle that God will just completely heal this baby and make it whole. Whatever God’s plans are we don’t want to stand in His way.2. What the medical diagnosis looks like is this. My baby is alive and has a strong heartbeat. Last night it was very active which made it even harder to sleep knowing what is going on and trying to wrap our brains around this. At 9 weeks I had an ultrasound done and everything was normal and looked great. I had another one done at 12 weeks and the same. Somewhere between 12 weeks and 19 weeks I have lost amniotic fluid. I haven’t had any problems with this pregnancy and there is no explanation to why this is happening. The condition is called oliogohydramnios. The radiologist read the ultrasounds and couldn’t find the baby's kidneys (or kidney tissue), a stomach or bladder. (They could be there, but just very dehydrated so they shrunk). A secondary problem is that the baby’s skull is misshaped (dolichocephalic) which is due to the lack of ammonic fluid. This is very rare in pregnancy and happens to 1 in 5,000 . The mortality rate is 80-90%. (Good news is he said that with the next pregnancy, this shouldn’t be an issue…this is just a fluke, weird thing).Ok, so where does this leave us. Sometime next week we’ll go in for another more in-depth ultrasound to see exactly what we are looking at.1. IF the baby really doesn’t have any kidney’s we have decided that we will help the University of Michigan with their research of this condition. If we can help save one baby by helping we will.2. The baby will continue to grow and develop until I could either carry it to full term or deliver a live or still born baby. If the baby lives it will be very sick and die within a couple of days due to the lack of lung development due to the lack of amniotic fluid in which it needs. This is the hardest part. I have no complications, I’ve had no problems. The doctor was surprised and wasn't expecting the results that he received today from the ultrasound. The baby’s heartbeat is so strong and the baby is actively moving, but is being kept alive by me.We are asking for specific prayer in these areas:1. That God’s will be done and we don’t stand in His way. He can work miracles and I can have a healthy baby.2. For strength. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to go on each day with this live, active baby in me just waiting for it to die so that I can deliver. (The option was put out there that after next weeks findings depending on what they were, I could be induced and deliver the baby alive knowing that it won’t survive. This IS NOT an option…it’s still abortion even if it makes daily life for me easier. I want to add that my doctor is prolife…he just wanted to throw it out there that it was an option).3. Rest. I have trouble sleeping in general, and last night was so hard. I can’t get my mind to turn off and all I do is stay awake, thinking and crying. Jon is exhausted and struggling too.4. Patience…to be able to wait till next week to get the tests, the results and just to have/keep the faith that God will provide.5. That if this baby isn’t to be healed that it won’t feel any pain regardless of its time left with us.Thank you all for you love and support. If you have any questions or anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. We want to be very open with this.Also, for all of my dear friends who are currently pregnant...please, please, please don't feel sorry for us. We are so happy for you and the blessing God is giving you. Please don't feel awkward in sharing with us during your time of happiness and joy because we are rejoicing with you too.