Update 11/02/2009

Dear Friends, I apologize for not updating you on the appoinment sooner. You have been so faithful in prayer for us and for our baby and it is helping us to get through this difficult situation. We are quickly learning that this situation is emotionally draining. I sometimes think that emotional stress is more draining than physical stress. Even though we were prepared for anything today, we still left the appointment drained! It was great to be able to see our baby again and see it moving and it's little strong heart just beating away. Unfortunately, the results are the same from the first test. It is confirmed that along with the oligohydramnois the baby also has bilateral renal agenesis. (Lack of amniotic fluid, missing both kidneys). The doctor couldn't tell, but thinks that the baby doesn't have a bladder, but thinks that there may be a stomach. They still weren't able to see the sex of the baby, and relastically, the sex organs may not have developed since they develope at the same time as the kidneys. Only time will tell if we have a little Anaiah or Joshua. Right now it is a waiting period. We still have faith that God can completely heal our baby, but we want His will. This little one has already impacted the lives of many, and this may be His sole purpose for this child. Even though emotions can run deep, we are second best for this child compared to God and we will be able to spend eternity with him/her. This child is a blessing to us because before we getting pregnant we didn't know if we would be able to have children, and now we have one and we know that this is possible. This child is an answer to prayer. We do want to help other families during this time. We are researching transplants and like we said before, we are also looking into the research that the University of Michigan is doing. We are now a liitle torn and need to look into this option more. Since this condition is rare, and not genetic, we are questioning exactly what research they are doing and for what purpose. If it is to understand this condition it is one thing, but if it is to form a test to see if someone could have this condition so they can terminate the pregnancy early on, then we aren't ok with helping them wtih them. One story that I would like to share with you all is this...before the appointment we had a great time just lifting this situation and our baby up in prayer and praying for the docotr, the equipment and technicians and so on. During the appointment it was such a blessing just to hear the doctor and the technician talking openly (good and bad) with what they see. About halfway through the appointment the doctor just looked at us and asked "did you guys research this condition because normally this is the point where everyone is crying and not understanding why this is happening". We were able to tell him that we have done some research, but we have such a good support system and so many people praying for us that we have God's perfect peace and His strength to get us through this. The whole atmosphere of the exam changed and it was great. The technician seemed to relax and almost blessed with hearing this. She later shared with us that her best friend had the same thing happen to her, but the baby was born at full term and this was never caught until the baby was born and then died shortly after birth. She had no warning or time to prepare. How devestating this would be. We are so thankful that we have time to prepare. Your contiued prayer is greatly appreciated. This is just the beginning of a long journey. We are going to be the best parents to this baby as we possible can. We are praying for this baby, journaling to the baby like we did before we found out that the baby was sick, and I'm taking those fun prenatal vitamins like I'm suppose to. The hardest part right now with wanting to be good parents is that there is so much more that we want to do for the baby, but we just aren't able to...even the small stuff that makes you feel good, but the baby will never know you did this out of love for them like shoping for cute outfits, decorating their room and so on. When we found out the diagnosis of our baby Jon and I had a good talk that we would get through this together as a team...we wouldn't shut the other one out. Our way of handling things is that I need to talk about things and I harden my heart to painful situations, where as Jon just shuts down and doesn't want to talk. We've been doing a good job of leaning on eachother (along with God) and just being open with oneanother and there for eachother. Our marriage is getting stronger because of this. (While we were trying to get pregnant there were times when Jon was really struggling and we would talk briefly, but then when I would have bad days, I wouldn't tell Jon that I was having them because I didn't want to bring him down or upset him more...we have learned from this situation that we have to be there for eachother and work through hard and difficult times together as a team). There are going to be a lot of decissions that are going to have to be made within the next 19 weeks or sooner. Please pray for strength and wisdom with these decissions that have to be made. Also, continue to pray for a miracle, because God is big enough to revese this problem. He is the creator and maker of everything. We are being realisitc with this situation but we also have hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers. We love each one of you and feel blessed to be able to share this with you. Love, Jon and Kristin